I'm still here only very very background

I've been feeling bleeeughgh.  Not depressed as in lying in bed all day with a bottle of vodka, more just flat, really flat, as a pancake.  I've not felt like doing anything and the few things (well looking after 3 children and keeping down a job) I've had to do have just been a struggle.  I'm convinced the throat infection, which actually left only to return a week later, brought with it some kind of depression.  

It's a strange one.  A flat mood, accompanied by anxiety and extreme tiredness. 

And I have just not wanted to blog at all. 

And I've got a whole load of other stuff going on in the background and where these things may have been challenging had I been feeling normal, right now, they just seem overwhelming. 

So, at least I've actually felt like blogging tonight.  

Anyway, I just can't shift it.  It's a horrible feeling.  I'm going to pretend it is not there for a while, just ignore it completely and smile when I feel bad. 

Fingers crossed tomorrow I blog on a lighter note. 

milk chocolate icing

I'd mentioned to mr magic that this book was being sold in the Works for £6.99 (thanks Sophie at Fading Grace)

and he brought it home for me last night.  It is soo lovely.  I have the urge to sew again, thank goodness, it has been a while (I blame it on that jan to do list). 

And I cannot wait for next week and pay day and a trip to Ikea to purchase some of this 

Benzy Kepp Fabric 

Anyway, my main reason for posting today was to share this recipe for milk chocolate icing (topping really as there is no icing in it).    It is really easy and super delicious and would be good for coating fruit, biscuits, basically anything, eating straight out of the bowl is a winner. 

300g milk chocolate (at least 20 percent cocoa solids) 

60ml double cream

2 tbsp unsalted butter

vanilla extract

melt the chocolate add to the rest of the ingredients and beat well with the electric hand mixer.  The book says to leave to set in the fridge but I say don't bother as the texture and gloss you get just after mixing does not come back later, no matter how much you remix.  Unsurprisingly, it is delicious, and it would be perfect for vanilla cupcakes. 

SO UNFAIR

What a week.  I came down with some disgusting throat infection, high temp, aching body and throat full of blood and yuck.  I ended up on the couch for a couple of days.  I actually went to the doctors.  I actually took anti-biotics.  I was sick.  Mr Magic had to take a couple of days off work.  Mr Magic and I never get on very well when I am sick.  He see's it more of a holiday whereas I'm looking for him to pick up my slack.  Turns out, that along with the sickness I was hormonal.  Self pity was at its maximum and the fireworks were quite spectacular.  

And I really was sick, I was so sick that I didn't even look at a laptop for about 3 days never mind open one up.  I didn't read a book either.  But boy, did I watch films, a lot of films.  Nothing sticks out as memorable apart from Never Let Me Go which I thought excellent.  I've still not really caught up on any blogs, at least I've got that to look forward to.

I know there is no such thing as fairness when it comes to bacterial throat infections, but, you know, when I've not touched a drop of alcohol, when I'm running regularly, eating well and then I get sick, it just makes me wanna throw myself in a heap on the couch while shouting "BUT ITS SO UNFAIR".  

And now I feel like an old washed oot rag, despite sleeping for Scotland I am constantly tired, I've aged about 10 years in 1 week, I don't feel I should run til the anti biotic's course is finished and the weather outside is enough to send me doon the harbour and over the wall. 

And I know its just a slump but IT'S SO UNFAIR. 

Anyway - saw this cake a few weeks ago and immediately thought of my dad.  As my dad gets older his tooth gets sweeter.

So it was my dad's birthday yesterday so I made it for him.  I was caught out again by the misleading cooking times for this cake, supposedly half an hour but more like an hour and 15 minutes - very moist.  Oh and I burnt the first load of chocolate (burnt chocolate, ewwww).

As usual, I was running late so had to rush everything and so the photos had to be taken with the string still round it as it was still warm and the kit kat kept falling off.  When it cooled down they stayed up without the string and it really did look good.  I'd do it again but it is high cost so only for a very good friend.  

the drudgery of

throat infection, high temperatures, flying hormones and self pity - hopefully magic to return next week.

party central

2 birthday party's today - first one finishes at 4pm second one starts at 4.30pm but second one is at least 45 minutes away from the first one.  Add making a cupcake tower to the mix (and of course I can't make the cupcakes in advance because they taste better on the same day) and mr magic's last minute going to the football,  today is STRESS city.   

Had no idea how I was going to get this through a very twisty windy road 45 minute journey with no adults to hold and so I've put it in this

God knows how it shall look when it gets there.

And thank you for your comments on my uncool blue jeans - I have tried them with the pointy flats, I have tried them with the ballet pumps, I have tried them with the heel.  I was going for the sporty look yesterday with the chunky trainers.  I like the skinny jean in general, have a number of pairs and like them mostly but these do nowt for me legs and lets be honest - even skinny model who only eats on Tuesday looks a bit chunky so what chance do I got - thank you all though - and yes the long cardi is my best friend with the skinny jean!!

so not cool

You know when you buy something but you just don't fit the look.

Well maybe you don't.  I've been reminded of this feeling on a weekly basis since August thanks to Gap's blue jeans.

this isn't me by the way 

 I was so excited about these jeans.  You know when you imagine owning something and have a picture of how cool you'll look when you get them.  Well maybe you don't, but I really knew I'd look amazing in these jeans.  

I tried them on in the shop and I was not wrong. I looked amazing, slimmer than I had looked 5 minutes before and so f*cking cool.   I phoned mr magic and he agreed to buy them for my birthday.  So I bought them and I had that great feeling you get when you buy something you really love and you cannot wait to get them home and try them on.  

And I got them home.  And I put them on.  And I did not look so cool. 

What I actually looked was a bit fat and a bit uncool.  I've tried them with so many different shoes, tops - I've actually bought shoes to go with them, but no matter what else is on my body at the same time as the jeans, I always look a bit fat and a bit uncool.   

I'm wearing them again today and I've tried my new t-shirt with them.  And you know how sometimes, things should go when you try them on in your head, but when you actually put them on you feel as though you are wearing someone else's clothes? 

I hate these blue jeans, but I am going to keep going with them - they cost me 45 quid and I'm getting my moneys worth, but  I am embarrassing myself when I go out with them on.   

flamin meltin moments

It started off so well, despite having a little bit of a cold and feeling sorry for myself this morning, I dragged myself out of bed and into my running kit and went for a quick mile and a half, the sunrise was beautiful and I felt great on my return.  The school run was shouting free.  It was all looking so good.  

Got my Primrose Bakery book out to start on the Melting Moments recipe.  Should have looked like these from Beverleys.net  

can you spot the difference?

I should have maybe read this review first in the guardian.

And it was all just an attempt to procrastinate from this

the ironing mountain to end all ironing mountains.

And now I've just got this to add to the burden

and my feel good has all disappeared as my body tries to cope with the flour and butter I've eaten in an attempt to convince myself that it tastes alright - it doesn't, it tastes rubbish.  And I do have a cold, albeit a little one.  

Only one winner this morning 

 although she has made an even bigger mess of my floor and I now have to clean her again too!!!

 Flamin meltin moments - don't bother, honestly, only 27p for double pack of custard creams from Aldi's.  

Jog Log 

Feb 2nd  - 2.5 miles - 25 mins

Feb 4th - 5 miles - 50 mins

Feb 7th - 1.5 miles 12 mins